August 13, 2005

My choice: chocolate or a tranquilizer. I'll take a Hershey Almond, thank you.

After we came home from Hot Springs last night with Lucy who likes to go in the car, as opposed to Blaze who refuses to go, Lucy and Blaze were both racing for the front door, I believe. We weren't watching, just getting out of the car and Don readying to give them their treats from our dinner, when Lucy attacked Blaze and much barking and squealing. I couldn't reach them with the purse I wanted to hit on Lucy, but Don finally did separate them. Blaze doesn't seem to know how to fight back, though he was trying. No one dog was hurt but Blaze was traumatized, and Lucy was being severely scolded.

I decided that a walk would settle them down; Blaze really wanted to go but not where I was taking them, over the bridge, under the "no trespassing sign," and onto and down Ewell's land. They were fine then walking with me to the top of Ewell's meadow and back. Blaze dogged, going along, Lucy exploring a bit. I brought them home-- we were gone about 20 minutes. And they were inside the fence. Blazed refused to go inside the house. Don seemed crushed and ignoring Lucy. Blaze would not come into the house when it was dark, and I said, "Ill take him for another walk by himself, his way, down the road." Blaze was so eager to get out; we walked a little way only since it was too dark for the road. Usually, when I bring him back from the walk, I release him from the leash and pet him a bit and let him run free to the gate and in. This time I took him all the way to the gate which was open, almost in, petted him, released him, but instead of going into the yard, he turned around and ran away out into the night.

Blaze has never run away from us before. I called, but he just ran off down the darkened road. I called, and then I went inside to get the keys to follow him in the car. He wasn't far. I found him quickly, but he kept away from me. Then Don came with the flash light which I took while he drove the car. Blaze kept just ahead of us and then had a barking match with the dogs at the white mailbox. I walked behind the car to find that Don had him and was comforting him. We put on the leash and because he hates the car, I walked him back. He didn't want to come in the gate but did. He refused to come in and stayed outside the house all night.

I put Lucy in the back bedroom. He still wouldn't come in. I heard Don say that Lucy would have to go tomorrow and then heard him on the phone calling the golden retriever shelter lady.

I felt that the whole thing had been my fault, certainly Blaze's running off--and felt quite destroyed, stayed to myself, wept a bit, took a tranquilizer and went to bed determined not to talk about it, let Don do as he liked, just hide out.

This morning I went for the Hershey Almond. I asked God's advice and felt--let it alone, let Don do the deciding and acting--both dogs would be fine--Don and I would be fine. I did suggest a trainer.

I feel that (and I have let go of it except for feeling) Don will now lose this little Lucy who seemed so much like his so loved dog Shadow.

But it's up to God and Don now. I've eaten my chocolate and I know where there is more.