Woke up with a bit of panic and distress from having heard, while half asleep, about the class structure we are forming in America--what we sought to escape leaving England. No more Horatio Algers. And especially now that the estate tax, newly named the "death tax? and misunderstood by most Americans, will be abandoned.

I realized how all of members of congress, the judiciary, the administration, the media people who report about it, ALL send their children to private school. They don't even imagine how poor most of our public schools are. And I felt that as such a shame, because a fine education, I am sure, can save any child bright or eager or even average from the terrible powerlessness of poverty.

And there is totally, absolutely nothing I can do about it. Nothing. Even the liberals have no answer to the powerful bureaucracy of the school administrations, almost as bad as the labor unions become when labor is dishonest. Maybe, I'm wrong, maybe they are better than no unions for teachers. And I wonder if privatization would be better. And then, I think of privatization of prisons and the schools that have tried privatization.

We need more of those non-profit schools, the charter schools, that do work.

Seems like most of the powerful are rotten and greedy. And all of the poor are powerless, so that only those of the poor who are heros and the few who will claw their way up if necessary, that no one can stop, can get an education for themselves and their children.

Phooey!

Susan told me that a divorce hearing for someone she supported had been postponed again after months of postponement, that her lawyer had not done what needed to be filed about the husband and the children. So what could have been done two weeks ago is just done now. The woman seemed shattered. Susan was so angry that she was going to report this lawyer to the bar association and write an article about her uncaring inability for the newspaper, but then said lawyer began to cover her butt and began to move. And Susan sees how powerless are the poor. How they are left to wait.

And it makes me weakly furious, frustrated.

So the rich get richer. We played a game once in social-psychology to demonstrate that the rich can only gain and the poor can only lose what little they have to the rich.

Now we can have the upper class and we can have a professional working class of teachers, lawyers, doctors, architects etc. And then the working poor who can wait upon and serve the upper and professional class and the people on welfare, barely alive.

And where does the artist fit? He can move between the professional worker and the working poor and can entertain the upper and professional classes.

Maybe the real purpose of religion is to give us, we mortals, a little hope.

August 20, 2005

" The biggest cause of trouble in the world today is that stupid people are so sure about things and the intelligent folk are so full of doubt". Bertrand Russell.

Yeah, but is he only stupidly assuming that what he says is true?

Lucy, Barb, Blaze, yellow Baja

August 13, 2005

My choice: chocolate or a tranquilizer. I'll take a Hershey Almond, thank you.

After we came home from Hot Springs last night with Lucy who likes to go in the car, as opposed to Blaze who refuses to go, Lucy and Blaze were both racing for the front door, I believe. We weren't watching, just getting out of the car and Don readying to give them their treats from our dinner, when Lucy attacked Blaze and much barking and squealing. I couldn't reach them with the purse I wanted to hit on Lucy, but Don finally did separate them. Blaze doesn't seem to know how to fight back, though he was trying. No one dog was hurt but Blaze was traumatized, and Lucy was being severely scolded.

I decided that a walk would settle them down; Blaze really wanted to go but not where I was taking them, over the bridge, under the "no trespassing sign," and onto and down Ewell's land. They were fine then walking with me to the top of Ewell's meadow and back. Blaze dogged, going along, Lucy exploring a bit. I brought them home-- we were gone about 20 minutes. And they were inside the fence. Blazed refused to go inside the house. Don seemed crushed and ignoring Lucy. Blaze would not come into the house when it was dark, and I said, "Ill take him for another walk by himself, his way, down the road." Blaze was so eager to get out; we walked a little way only since it was too dark for the road. Usually, when I bring him back from the walk, I release him from the leash and pet him a bit and let him run free to the gate and in. This time I took him all the way to the gate which was open, almost in, petted him, released him, but instead of going into the yard, he turned around and ran away out into the night.

Blaze has never run away from us before. I called, but he just ran off down the darkened road. I called, and then I went inside to get the keys to follow him in the car. He wasn't far. I found him quickly, but he kept away from me. Then Don came with the flash light which I took while he drove the car. Blaze kept just ahead of us and then had a barking match with the dogs at the white mailbox. I walked behind the car to find that Don had him and was comforting him. We put on the leash and because he hates the car, I walked him back. He didn't want to come in the gate but did. He refused to come in and stayed outside the house all night.

I put Lucy in the back bedroom. He still wouldn't come in. I heard Don say that Lucy would have to go tomorrow and then heard him on the phone calling the golden retriever shelter lady.

I felt that the whole thing had been my fault, certainly Blaze's running off--and felt quite destroyed, stayed to myself, wept a bit, took a tranquilizer and went to bed determined not to talk about it, let Don do as he liked, just hide out.

This morning I went for the Hershey Almond. I asked God's advice and felt--let it alone, let Don do the deciding and acting--both dogs would be fine--Don and I would be fine. I did suggest a trainer.

I feel that (and I have let go of it except for feeling) Don will now lose this little Lucy who seemed so much like his so loved dog Shadow.

But it's up to God and Don now. I've eaten my chocolate and I know where there is more.